Gift Of Fear Summary
Gift Of Fear Summary - The Gift of Fear (1997) is a guide to using your innate fear signals to identify and protect yourself from criminals, cheaters, stalkers, abusers, and basically all kinds of people you want to avoid. About the Author: Gavin de Becker is an American security expert who provides security services and consulting to governments, large corporations and the general public.
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Gift Of Fear Summary
He is the founder of the security firm Gavin de Becker and Associates. De Becker did not prove hte first, but said good, though not proved, or the latter. Believe me, the alarm should be, because when it comes to danger, intuition is always correct in two important ways: 1. It always responds to something.
2. Always have your own interests. The author says that "always right" doesn't mean something bad will happen, it just needs your attention. This means you don't have to "explain" or force yourself into situations. avoid too much, but listen carefully and try to identify potential dangers or dangers.
You naturally send out different types of signals and different "parts" that accidentally fall into place. They are in sequence: Then the author adds a few more, but he does not order or order: Then he adds again. another one on the list, for example: Examples of dark humor include a guy who says "I'm going back to work before the bomb goes off" while others open mysterious papers, and a guy who hears gunshots in the distance says that his ex.
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his friend is back for revenge. .As you can imagine, both cases turned out to be true. De Becker's business uses these factors to predict the potential for violence: JACA factors can be observed in governments and individuals. Gaving de Becker does not put this directly, but I have gathered several pieces of information scattered throughout the book that I have written in the "how to" section: De Becker says that experts sometimes confuse their knowledge with ideas: Many experts do not know much and lose their skills and ideas.
They are so familiar with popular trends that they cannot appreciate or respect the importance of new wrinkles. The process of using expertise in the end is to reform the inconsistencies in what is known to be important. Zen master Shunryu Suzuki said, "The mind of the beginner is empty, free of the habits of the expert, ready to accept, doubt, and be open to all possibilities."
People who enjoy the first opportunity always prove this. An example is a person who walks into a store and immediately leaves with a "bad feeling". Unfortunately, the policeman who went in was caught by the thief and killed. De Becker says he can be assured that a policeman's instincts tell him that most robberies happen at night.
I see the point of Gavin's argument, but I personally wasn't convinced. This is different from what Malcolm Gladwell says in Blink, i.e. expertise informs knowledge. I found Gladwell's points and examples to be very convincing. And while this may seem like bad news, there is a big silver lining to it: threats mean that, for now, and often forever, they prefer words to action.
Listen To Your Intuition More
Gavin de Becker also says that the "perfection risk", the risk of death, is very low. Especially when they are aimed at the public (very dangerous like love diseases, dating plans or commitment messages), and when they are anonymous (the person who signed his name wants to be famous rather than avoid being recognized).
Emotions are short-lived, so threats made in an emotional state often lose their appeal over time. Threats and promises are the same, the author says, it's easy to talk, it's hard to honor them. Threats and requests backed by threats. For example, "If I can't keep my job, I'm going to burn this house down," it's not a threat, it's a fear, because there is a tendency to avoid danger.
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Through fear, according to the JACA model, the perpetrator sees an alternative and an opportunity for violence. And he chooses that opportunity to take that risk. Rather than a threat, it is a serious problem that tries to influence your behavior by using fear. Threats late in the conflict are much more "final" than those used early in the conflict.
This is because early threats represent a more immediate response than the idea of using violence. On the contrary, they usually come from a state of weakness, frustration, or even helplessness due to the inability to influence events. Both promises and threats are made to assure us of purpose, but threats assure us of disappointment: disappointment.
The Signals Of Your Intuition
Threats deceive the speaker by implying that he cannot influence events in any way. They often represent desperation rather than purpose. No threats or promises Fear is the real money of the Threat. The bully usually has no hope of changing the reality as he is trying to get revenge or hide his face and maintain his dignity because of the loss and proving that he is powerless.
he is responsible. And they try to do this by instilling fear and revenge for being disappointed and neglected. It is the threat response that determines whether it is a valuable tool that serves its purpose or an idle statement. Therefore, the listener, not the speaker, decides how strong the threat will be.
If the listener repents, trembles and asks for forgiveness, then the threat or threat has turned into gold. On the contrary, if it seems that it will not work, it is tin. So the author advises not to be afraid or intimidated. My notes: I do not fully agree. As the author himself says, methods are related to situations.
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Sometimes, if you make the victim feel like they've "won" by showing a little fear, they can feel like they've saved face and re-energized themselves. This will end the relationship for good for him and there is no need to do anything else. On the contrary, if you try to make yourself look strong and tough, he will feel powerless because his last attempt has failed.
The Signals Of Your Intuition
Then he may have reason to move forward and see that there is no other way but to grow. For example, if someone threatens to "tell your wife you cheated on her", the power is based on the fear that someone will do it. But if you don't fear it, or show that you don't fear it, the threat will lose all its power.
For example, the writer tells you "wait a minute, leave me alone, I left my wife." on the line to tell them that." At this point, the risk is reduced. Disclosure or doing the risk yourself can also be a good option. It can be an opportunity to come clean, to take the burden off your shoulders... And you can control the story. People who are oppressed often think that talking straight
or claiming to stop the oppressed. But that doesn't work with people who don't let go. What they want is an exchange with you, and every exchange, including anger, feeds the monster they want. Being angry and self-confident also pollutes - it's the enemy. When this happens, there is also a powerful funny twist:
you also get involved and take action, and neither of you wants to stop. You become a follower of sorts. The supervisor and the victim begin to find something in common: they don't want to stop. The walker is eager to find a solution and the victim is eager to stop the stalking. I'll add that the victim wants revenge for being hurt.
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